The secret of the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment of existence is: to live dangerously!
– Friedrich Nietzsche
Yes, yes I know what you must be thinking, it is all in the past who needs to hear about it. However some people I know are having difficulty with gaining closure so I thought I would share this story for anyone that is interested in gaining closure.
Someone told me they are stuck in a circle of bad habits and routines. From what I noticed – twisted-mind-point-of-views due to bad-and-jealous-advice.
Now, it does not matter if one surrounds themselves in ‘good’ environments if it changes your mindful, simplistic and minimalistic views into a: spoilt, need-to-show-off, put everyone down, make fun of everything, stuck up and full of themselves point of view. Forgetting who you were.
They constantly become spiteful about someone in their past. A twisted point of view, similar to their mother’s failed relationships in life – which would explain a lot in itself.
You are to gain closure people say.
What is closure?
An act or process of closing something.
- According to the internet that is the definition.
So how do you get this if you constantly disagree on why a relationship ended?
Lets give these people letters for this scenario;
Person B from above whose views started off as a mindful person to a materialistic spiteful person
Person C who did one bad thing twice in retaliation to B’s honesty after a few years of keeping a big lie (As well as a few other things)
B states they would still be together if only C told him about the bad things as he would have “gotten my head around it” … that “No matter how satisfied we are in other ways, we will always like those things”.
B has stated multiple times to friends that he would still be with C today if she had only told the truth.
Here’s the catch, the thing C did, was found out in less than 3 months.
B did that same thing two years earlier and hid it from C for that length of time. Always starting arguments, finding things to be controlling to C towards. It was always C’s fault and never once was anything B’s fault.
How does that make C feel? C did not know why B was always like this.
B was very guilty as C was thoughtful wherever she could be in every aspect – yes she had made some bad decisions however we are human. But hiding that fact for two years C still thinks was the worst thing one could do.
So how do these two people who’s issues started on these bad grounds – but got along on so many levels as they were always on the same page who were satisfied on some of the more important foundations of a relationship – how do both get closure?
Well, C grew as a person and decided to work on herself, to become independent and not depend or become clingy towards any one ever again. Something B told her she had to do and what he had to do. If only B listened to his own advice.
B has clung to a relationship the first instance a woman shows she can be controlled, manipulated into an open-relationship when she does not actually understand it from an-experience-point-of-view in the slightest. Too innocent to realise what she has gotten herself into; a controlling ‘mug’ of a relationship that is not real in that aspect.
B has went from one failed relationship to a doomed relationship from before it was born.
B has a lot of issues to deal with including; the need to do everyone in sight (was definitely not an issue when with C) family issues (disturbing thoughts & actions towards those close, inappropriate public actions and more) a lot of which happened before met C.
However, B blames every issue he has on C and claims that C made a joke of B even though he kept the biggest secret of all and what he put her through by tormenting her every single time in the arguments.
Rushing isn’t the right answer when you need to be gaining closure.
Who do you think did closure right? Or did they both?
B has issues however his solution is gaining counselling and listening to people who have spiteful points-of-views who’s narrow-minded action is to find a person to blame it on.
C decided to take time to reflect, and use the experience as an opportunity to grow as a person. Understood she made mistakes in life but it will not hold her back.
C later outgrew B’s immature ways; she got tired of every single action and she wondered how this became so easy.
Answer: This was due to her growing more, developing her skills and becoming a confident woman.
The response to why B has not gained any closure to move on properly was told by C:
The reason you do not have proper closure is because you are dealing with it the wrong way;
When you break up or you have to get over someone you are told to;
- focus on the person’s negatives
- how they were so bad for you,
- focus only on the negatives and see them as a horrid person
Realistically there should not be hatred because there was some qualities at the very least you admire about that person
But to accept both the goods and the negatives
If one has any ill feelings of the other in an unrealistic manner – it shows spite and bitterness in itself which denotes never being able to properly move on until you accept that it took two people. To not have such negative feelings of the other person.
C’s advice for B to gain closure is so right.
When such action occurs you become more enlightened, the hatred and anger disappears because you just don’t feel like that. Each person you meet teaches you a lesson in life.
So, thank u, next.